


The Aftermath of the Great Batfam Thanksgiving Foodfight

by SuperRedRobin (SweetFanfics)



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Bat Family, Dinner, M/M, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 22:05:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/SuperRedRobin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanksgiving dinner with the Batfam does NOT go as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aftermath of the Great Batfam Thanksgiving Foodfight

**Notes:** Based on [the Batfam Thanksgiving Dinner picture](http://colors-and-impulse.tumblr.com/post/13270938884/the-last-thanksgiving-batfamily-supper-bigger) by glasmond ~~(which she is presently working on it in her LS)~~ , which is like the MOST epic thanksgiving dinner fanart/picture EVER.

 

—

 

Thanksgiving dinner had gone south _pretty_ fast. As Tim attempted to scrape the drying mashed potatoes off the walls, he guiltily reminded himself that he had a significant part to play in that. So maybe it hadn’t been the _smartest_ thing he’d ever done but _everyone_ knew that turkey carving was a precise art. Tim had only wanted to make sure that Bruce would do it right. Growling slightly at a particularly stubborn dry lump on the wall, Tim angrily fumed, _‘I’m gonna get back at that little hellion for dumping those mashed potatoes on my head.’_

 _  
_

The youngest Wayne had taken great offense at Tim’s through instructions (“Would you STOP with the persistent _nagging_ Drake! You sound more and more like a woman with every word coming out of your mouth!”) and had picked up the nearest bowl (Garlic mashed potatoes, no lumps), stuck a spoon into the mess and shoved it into Tim’s mouth to shut him up. Tim had glared around the overly large mouthful of food in his mouth and was prepared to act his part of the older and more mature brother. But he had forgotten about Kon.

 

His partner had smoothly and “accidentally” spilled the gravy boat over Damian’s lap in retaliation. It got a bit fuzzy at that point but everyone had agreed that Damian had started yelling something at Kon and had tossed a few pieces of cornbread at the alien hybrid. Kon had ducked, the cornbread flying to smack against the back of Stephanie’s head. Stephanie had turned around slowly, a dark glare aimed towards Damian (who didn’t even bother apologizing but instead was picking up more cornbread to lob at the alien and was yelling, _“Stay still you overgrown lummox!”_ ).

 

Seeing that no apology was coming her way, the blonde had let out a growl worthy of Batman before grabbing the green bean casserole and stomping over to Damian. She quickly grabbed the younger boy in a headlock before mashing the dish into his head, making sure that the cheese got well and truly into his hair. There was more yelling (and laughter from Kon which turned quickly into yelling as he got pelted with food) and tossing around of food and general mayhem in the dining hall. Tim had been too busy trying not to choke as his youngest brother force fed him some turkey ( _“How do you like the turkey now Drake?!”_ ) to notice that at some point, Alfred had slipped away somewhere (along with Krypto and Ace) and that Bruce had made a beeline for the liquor cabinet. Jason had focused primarily on Dick and Babs in his attacks. Mostly because both of them had used up all the bread rolls which Jason had been eying.

 

Clark had attempted to stop the food fight but only wound up being caught between Dick and Babs (and mashed potatoes and yams on either side of his face). Then Bruce had _sauntered_ up to him, drunk as an Irishmen before dragging him off somewhere, and that was a train of thought Tim did not want to really pursue. He moved onto a drying lump of….was that turkey smushed together with yams and cranberries? Tim made a face before he started to remove (what felt like) the 100th lump on the wall. He hadn’t expected so much of the food to land on the walls, not with their precision in hitting the targets.

 

The real surprise had been the enthusiasm with which Batwoman had taken part in the fight. She pretty much sneak mash-potato-bombed everyone except Cassandra and Alfred. She had _almost_ gotten Clark and Bruce but one look from the meta had her quickly changing targets. Huntress had left the room very early on, muttered underneath her breath about dry cleaning and how it was nigh impossible to get cranberry juice out of silk (and that she would be sending the bill to Dick).

 

Though he had been extremely surprised that no one had their faced smashed into the pumpkin pie. (They realized later that somehow, Selina had sneaked in and stolen the pumpkin pies _right_ as the food fight had started. No one was entirely certain _how_ she had managed to pull that feat off). But in hindsight, it was a bit of a blessing that Catwoman had stolen the pies. Stephanie had wrangled a promise out of Alfred that she would handle the desserts and had made the pies. And that girl did not have the best culinary track record. It wasn’t that she was a bad cook but baking was just not her forte, to put it kindly. And she had Cassandra helping her. Tim had it on good authority that pumpkin pies were _not_ supposed to jiggle in their pans. So all in all, thank you and good luck to Selina.

 

Tim raised a hand to scratch his cheek and grimaced as he realized he still had some stuffing on his face. With a sigh he scratched/peeled the drying food off his cheek before chucking it into the nearest garbage bag. He blinked as a familiar pair of bickering noises filtered through his brain. He turned around to find Damian and Kon worked on sweeping up the floor and bickering away the whole time.

 

“-have more etiquette in one-third of my finger than you do in your entire body.”

 

“As you CLEARLY proved when you poured juice over Batgirl’s head. FYI, she’s SO gonna kick your ass for that.”

 

“-tt- I can take her on, which is more than what I can say for you, you artificially grown replacement.”

 

A snort, “Whatever you say test tube baby.”

 

Damian all but threw the mop to the ground, clearly ready to pounce and start a fist fight but Alfred showed up out of no where. He gave Damian a look which had the younger boy clicking his tongue before moving away to clean another area. Kon simply shook his head, quickly moved over to where Tim was staring at a red and green splotch on the wall.

 

“Hey.”

 

Kon wrapped an arm around Tim’s waist as he came to stand beside his partner. “Care to explain why you’re staring at that blob?” Tim simply tilted his head slightly as he kept his gaze steady on the congealed food. “Just wondering where those carrots came from.” Kon blinked in owlish confusion for a moment before shaking his head, pulling Tim tighter against his side, “Do you EVER turn that brain of yours off?”

Tim fiddled with the towel in his hands as his lips twitched slightly, a small sly smile spreading on his lips as he demurely replied, “Sometimes….”

 

There was a low heat burning in Kon’s eyes when Tim looked up at him. Sapphire eyes kept and held cobalt for a long moment, breaking away when a dark strand of hair fell down between Tim’s eyes. Kon blinked dazedly at the lock of hair, surprise turning to amusement. Tim watched the expression play on Kon’s face as he removed his hand from Tim’s waist to raise it up to his dark hair. The heat was tempered with amusement as he pulled out bits of food from Tim’s hair, the super’s voice gentle and quiet as he spoke, “You’ve got mashed potato and cornbread hair.”

 

Kon let his arm slowly slide down Tim’s back as he spoke, his voice low and husky, “You should go wash up. Before this stuff dries.” Tim gazed for a moment as Kon, tossing the towel away on the nearest surface before taking the mop out of Kon’s hand and propping it up against the wall. He took hold of the larger hand with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, “Care to help?”

 

Strong fingers squeezed his hips, warm lips nuzzling his cheek before whispering, “Always.”

 

—

 

Damian growled as he repeatedly swept the mop over the stubbornest cranberry stain he had ever encountered in his life and furiously cursed at that idiotic Drake inside his head. In four different languages. Because one language was simply _not_ enough to encapsulate his ire towards his older ‘brother’.

 

He ground his teeth, trying not to let the curses rebounding inside his head spill out as he stared at the stain. He’d let that behemoth of a meta deal with this stupidity. He had an easier time dealing with the various clumps of food on the floor because he’d (very effectively) use his TTK to aid in the clean up process. Even the most stubborn of lumps would just slide off the floor or walls with a touch and that was just entirely unfair.

 

 _‘Where is that idiot anyways…’_ Damian scowled as he looked up, scanning the room for the large hulk of muscle. His eyes narrowed as he was not only unable to find the clone but also could not see his older brother. This was simply unacceptable. There was absolutely no way that he was going to stay and clean up while his older brother traipsed around the mansion doing God knows what with that partner of his.

 

Not caring where the mop landed, Damian threw the cleaning implement down before stomping to the nearest door. He was almost out the door when a hand grabbed him by the shoulder. “Whoa there little D, where do you think you’re going?”

 

Damian rolled his shoulder, pushing the large hand off as he barked, “To find Drake and that idiot paramour of his. I will _not_ allow myself to be forced through this humiliating act while those two make out like bunnies!”

 

The unofficial, self proclaimed cupid of the house blithely ignored the angry rantings of the eleven year old as he plucked the boy up and returned him to his mop. Never let it be said that Dick Grayson did not create opportunities for his little brother to get laid. _‘I am the **best** older brother in the world.’_ Dick cheerfully congratulated himself as he taped Damian’s hands to the mop.

 

**Author's Note:**

> —
> 
> Indeed you are Dick, indeed you are.


End file.
